Going over the past, being overcome with remorse and regret are to be banished from everyday life.
- “To let go of the past, we have to understand what links us to it and what we have trouble with to give up. Whether the rumination is bitter or nostalgic, says therapist Juliette Allais. This is what I call “Identifying the lost object”. Doing the following exercise, she suggests a visit in the past in the form of an investigation.
- Nostalgic rumination: convinced that nothing will ever live up to the past, we pass and replay the film of “happy days”.
- Determine precisely which era, which events, which people are triggering regrets. The result is your ‘lost item”.
- Ask yourself how you would feel if you could relive this event. Note the benefits (physical, psychic, material …) that the return of this lost object gives you, then ask yourself what you are no longer without this object, note the “lacks”. Finally, put the list of benefits against those of missing and ask yourself about how you can get in your present life what you are missing. Note the different possibilities.
- Bitter ruminations: insistent regrets and remorse, undigested failures or conflicts. Difficult to move forward when the past is still happening. Identify events or people who cause your negative ruminations. What emotions does this rumination provoke? (Anger, Shame, Pain…).What beliefs are the triggering event for active rumination? ( I’m not up to the task, I’m out of luck, I always make the wrong choices…).
- Now ask yourself how you will feel without the cause of your rumination. Note the physical, psychic, material effects that its disappearance would entail. Enjoy this relief for a long time.
- Then ask yourself how you could achieve this positive state. By repairing the past (explain, forgive…), by listing everything that can be a cause for gratitude in your current life, learning from faults and mistakes of yesterday. Write down all your ideas to break the bitterness.