I have gone through a lot of difficult, painful and embarrassing situations. But I am convinced that all the experiments that I have made were part of my life, a part of what was supposed to happen on my way at a certain moment.
I had as everybody else a sense which I built with more or less sacrifices. Those were correlated to what I had to do next or what could have been done at a certain moment.
I wished to know more things which I could have accumulated at a certain moment. I would have liked to do some things which I could not touch once. But I truly believe that every person has in this life a fate. A fate which we have been destined to bring it to the very end. I believe in my fate and I believe in what I can achieve in what I like to do.
When I had to do some things I would have liked that the day would past doing what I like to do. Things were then simple and beautiful but the reality was totally different. The covered face of reality proofed to be this time a new life`s lesson. Between what we wish and what we live in the real world is a “reality” which strikes you brutally.
Adapting to situations that surprises you in a pleasantly or unpleasantly life forces you to line up to some standards/ templates. My moments of wandering have overlapped with reality which seemed to be as every time “real”.
Comparing to what I knew to do to that what I was prepared to do at school from now on there is only a weak bridge with reality. And I figured out that my image of what I am know supposed to do is not useful now. My personal evolution runs now towards a new and new adaptation, a new and a new challenge. Slow steps and the periods of breaks give my psyche always a restraint of what it cannot cope with it so easily. And on my way I advance and learn, I adapt myself and try to mold into a new individual, another one than the individual who once started on this way some time ago. Sometimes I do not recognize myself, other times I talk to myself but most of the times I want to believe and to understand myself in my way to the better.
Maybe a drop of light and beauty I succeed to bring daily to my face sooner or later will bring this also on other people`s faces. A new trust in which you should invest for a long time and a lot of energy. But I believe it is worth a try.