Each friendship has its own signature. Commitment to this powerful and complex bond depends on each person’s history and beliefs. Those influence us without always being aware of it.

Your result

For each statement tick, circle your answer. Then make your total of A,B, C and D, and refer to your profile on the following pages.

…you are the guiding friend (Majority:A)

You enlighten, advise, inspire. Like the mentor, the referent that you are. It’s where you go when the going gets tough. No wonder you have the tools to clarify, unravel, support. Your empathy, your ability to read the human soul and your need to find meaning and solutions make you the perfect friend in difficult times.

At the source: having held a role of confidant and helper without his siblings, having been “parentalized” by his parents, the realization that one has skills that can be useful to others, a lack of recognition in his family which pushes you to later take on the precious role of “guide”, to need to give meaning to the experiences you have had through transmission, to repair in a new friendship an old one, from which you have learned lessons.

The positive side: having the feeling of being recognized, of occupying a special place, transmitting one’s knowledge and/or one’s experience gives meaning to one’s life, to one’s experience, the feeling of “doing good” is beneficial, even restorative , an access to the intimacy of the other which strengthens the bond of friendship.

The negative side: this role entails several risks, such as being suffocating, intrusive (by advising without having been solicited), creating a relationship of dependence with the helper, being stuck in the role of guide, to feel alone in the moments when we would need help, not to support that the other does not follow our advice (risk of conflict or breaking up).

Towards balance: it is essential to provide help and advice only after having been asked, and to be sure that you want and can respond to this request. Another important point: accept that the friend or helper does not follow or only partially our advice. Not to freeze in the position of the guide also means daring to express or show your vulnerability, your problems, your doubts, and daring, in turn, to ask for advice. Reciprocity is the golden rule of friendship. Finally, do not feel guilty if our advice does not bear fruit: we are not subject to any obligation of result.

…you are the friend who shines (Majority:B)

You are one of those who bring joy, lightness and good humor wherever you go. The famous “ray of sunshine” is you. You do not force yourself, your radiance is natural, powerful and transformative. It is appreciated in groups as well as one-on-one. You boost morale by your mere presence, know how to re-motivate in a few words and your optimism is contagious. Your energy is so intense that, next to you, nothing seems infeasible or inaccessible.

At the source: being radiant, having a powerful vital impulse is a character trait, but the latter can be amplified by a family environment that allows you to develop both self-confidence and a positive outlook on life. However, the opposite mechanism can also occur: thus, painful events can also act as amplifiers of positive energy.

The positive side: the ability to involve those around you in projects, easily and joyfully, to diffuse a vitality and an optimism that pops the atmosphere and perks up even without words, to re-motivate without the need for long demonstrations or lessons in morality or courage, see the best in everyone, be comfortable in all groups.

The Downside: The main danger is drawing energy vampires and toxic personalities to you, who revel in your light and cling to you, often without you even noticing. A certain superficiality, worldliness, could also bar your access to chosen and intimate relationships.

Find the balance: learn to recognize the “vampires” and other negative personalities who feed on your light, give more importance to the notion of reciprocity in the relationship of friendship, avoid confusing a positive spirit and optimism “of denial” (but yes, everything will be fine), deepen the relationship, intensify the intimacy with your “true friends”, be aware that your light can be hurtful or thoughtful for those who feel deprived of it.

…you are the friend who stands at a distance (Majority:C)

Discretion, moderation and introversion could constitute your relational triptych. That doesn’t mean you’re half committed or that your feelings are lukewarm. You give priority to quality intimacy, which for you rarely goes hand in hand with a guaranteed physical presence and a close frequency of shared moments. Your friends know that they can count on you and vice versa, and that’s the main thing for you.

At the source: an introverted personality, a family culture that favors to stay for oneself, or that is suspicious of others, from the outside, a lack of self-confidence and in one’s ability to take and keep one’s place in the world in the midst of others, a hyper-emotivity that pushes to put a space of security between oneself and the other, a solitary temperament, the fear – perceived as one has experienced it – of being invaded, over-solicited or vampirized.

The positive side: the ability to favor time over a quality presence, take the time to get to know each other before entering into intimacy, an autonomy that allows you to go from one group to another (without blending in and being absorbed), and gifts to expand and enrich one’s relational territory, not to be trapped by social obligations and other time-consuming worldliness.

The negative side: an inhibition due to the fear of not knowing how to give or receive, of being either too much or not enough (in the intimacy, the atmosphere, the codes), the risk of being considered cold or indifferent. The fear of being too present, too grateful, but also that of missing out on good moments of sharing by staying in your bubble.

Find the balance: become aware that you don’t have to be the center or the leader of a group and that you are in control of your words and your time, take care to explain how it works to dissipate any misunderstanding (I need to be withdrawn/calm/loneliness…), to make the difference between a withdrawal resulting from a choice and a desire and a withdrawal due to fears and inhibitions.

…you are the friend who gives (Majority:D)

For you, it’s obvious, friendship rhymes with generosity. And in this area, you don’t count. Especially since giving pleasure is what gives you the most pleasure in the world. Attentive and empathetic, you offer your help, your time, your partner, even before you are asked. You would also be annoyed to learn that someone other than you has been called for help. You spoil your friends, shower them with attentions and gifts. No doubt, there is Santa Claus in you.

At the source: generosity is a temperament that a family system can temporarily amplify or inhibit. It can also be a reverse request (I give what I would like to receive). Material generosity can reflect a difficulty in putting into words what one feels (I give instead of saying). Guilt, the ambivalence of feelings can also be the origin of generosity (I give to forgive myself or to be forgiven). It can also reveal the need to feel existing (I give, I am).

The positive side: generosity opens hearts and doors. It is gratifying, it brings joy of warmth in relationships. We also forgive more easily to someone who is generous, we also tend to return the favor.

The negative side: generosity in excess is heavy, it can indebt the other (I must return the favor), generate exasperation (I did not ask for that much), it can force sympathy (one feels obliged to appreciate the generous person), it can also make you tired and suspicious (but what is he looking for after all?). Generosity can also attract profiteers and manipulators. Finally, if it is not disinterested, it can fuel dissatisfaction and bitterness, and thus ruin good relationships.

Find balance: start by not imposing your generosity, give the other time to receive, accept and thank, in their own way. Do not forget that true generosity asks nothing in return, it is always fair, in its expression and its timing, it does not oblige. Hence the importance of regularly questioning oneself about one’s real intentions. And act accordingly.