Models that are not always essential guide us

Behind the little used term of “overfitting”, there is a widespread evil today. This evil is to live according to what society expects of us and not according to our desires and our personal needs, which are set aside to prioritize collective needs.

The Western social model is based on values ​​of work, merit, material success, but also adaptability and therefore sacrifice to the community or in any case to others. Since our earliest childhood, with the education that we have received, we have all grappled with this model that shapes us: you have to work well in school to find a good job later that is both fulfilling and lucrative. It is necessary to be polite, respectful, to stand aside in front of the elders in the name of the functioning of the community. Then, from our study, we must understand codes and types of thought in order to integrate them, and starting from learning to conduct oneself its own reflection. In professional life, it is in the service of a boss that we use our individual strengths and our intelligence, adapting them to his objective, bending to his rules. In short, at all stages of our life, we are shaped by external necessities. This is living in society. But if it is necessary for a society to function that it knows a certain order and a certain discipline, it also needs to take into account individuals who will make it progress.

Symptoms of overfitting: what do we suffer from?

Some of us suffer from over-adaptation: they do not manage to balance in their existence the part of adaptation to external constraints, to imposed standards, and the part of expressing our own desires. Integrating perfectly and totally their will to do well to the detriment of that to do what they want, some forget their individuality, their singularity, and some even do not have the slightest idea of ​​what their desires or their opinions are: they do not know not who they are since they have never had the opportunity to question themselves or to make choices for themselves in their life. It is natural for all of us to aspire to some freedom. We suffer when we only live locked in a straitjacket of principles. The moral pain of some is expressed physically: they transform it into stomach aches, migraines, itching, insomnia. Their backs are “full”: this means that they are discouraged and suffer from “carrying on their back” their obligations. And what about chronic fatigue, the disease of the century? It would be the subject of 15% to 20% of consultations with a general practitioner. It is a symptom that statistically affects those with the most professional and family responsibilities. Not letting your desires be expressed means taking the risk of letting yourself down, of losing yourself, of feeling sadness, a lack of energy which sometimes borders on discouragement, even despair.

How to get out of the painful syndrome of overfitting?

It is essential to be free from guilt. Our suffering does not come from the fact that we are unfit for the system, but indeed from the fact that the system is not suited to us. It is the system that must be at the service of human beings and not the other way around. It is a fact that is too often forgotten. First, you have to learn to say “no” firmly. This requires seeing our relationship to others differently. Where usually you are always present, let go of your sacrosanct obligations. Your relationships with others should remain a pleasure. Always ask yourself if you really want to or if you participate to please or not to upset others. If you are available less often, but in a better state of mind, others will thank you for being there. Delegate. This will free you from the tep and empower those around you who may see things differently: no, it’s not always Mom’s job to do the shopping! After having “blocked off”, learn to occupy this free time. First, keep doing nothing. You have to (re) get to know your desires: focus on your feelings. Finally, do not be discouraged. Do not enter a new vicious circle forcing yourself out of overfitting. It would be the last straw! It is also from the adaptability that freedom and independence can be born if it is combined with confidence and self-esteem.

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