What makes you doubt yourself? – Test
Go or not? Speak or be silent? You hesitate too long and too often. Something stopping you from trusting yourself? To find out, answer the following questions and discover the advice that can help you gain confidence.
For each question, circle your answer and add up your A,B,C and D. Then refer to the following profiles for the result that corresponds to you.
MAJORITY OF A
You are afraid of doing wrong
It is neither the ideas nor the energy that you lack. However, when it is time to take action, something inside you jams, blocks and gives you over to paralyzing doubt. Taking minimum risks then guides your thinking and determines your choice. Your biggest brake is the fear of failure, the fear of fault. Involving others in a “bad” choice scares you as much, if not more, than it penalizes you. It may be that this inhibition of action finds its origin in part in an education where duty, the obligation of excellence and guilt in the event of poor results predominated. It is also likely that the image of infallibility of your parents or that authoritarian and intrusive behaviors on their part have early inhibited your ability to act according to your desires, your needs and your own feelings. Result: you often feel frustrated, angry, anxious about the passage of time and the occasions that are receding.
How to initiate change: to live is to take the risk of…Try to make a small decision, to take action, to speak out which expresses your desire and which could arouse a (small) disagreement from those around you. You will measure what the satisfaction won allows you to do with your inhibitions.
MAJORITY OF B
You are afraid of displeasing
To “launch” yourself in a project, in speaking out, in an action, you need the validation of those around you, emotional or professional. Without this safety net, there is no question of going out in the open. Fear of disappointing, of creating conflicts, of being alone against everyone… you prefer to get frustrated, take it upon yourself rather than risk displeasing or being criticized. You may have been placed very early in the role of the one who must “please” or “repair”. Fulfilling a parent, restoring their narcissism, not weakening a healthy family balance by asserting yourself or making choices that are too personal. Be that as it may, today you choose unanimity, sacrifice rather than what would correspond to your personal desire. But, under your gentleness, even your apparent submission, the fire smolders, and sometimes all it takes is a spark to knock you out of your hinges – which, afterwards, plunges you into great guilt. You blame yourself for being influenced, for resorting too often to the advice of others, for being so vulnerable to their judgment, when in reality, you are not asked so much!
How to initiate change: Begin by stopping justifying yourself for your words and actions. Pay attention to your feelings (guilt, fear, relief…) while you speak, act or decide without validation from others or justification. Don’t forget that we can’t please everyone, just as everyone can’t please us. To please some, you have to displease others.
MAJORITY OF C
You don’t believe in your abilities
You may overcome obstacles in different areas, but you find it difficult to attribute these successes to your skills. Luck, good advice, providential support…, these are the arguments you put forward. You manage to mobilize your resources from time to time, but your successes are not enough to sustainably strengthen your capital of confidence. Was there, in the child that you were, more emphasis on your failings and faults than on your skills and qualities? Have your efforts and your successes been passed over in an indifferent silence? What is certain is that this lack of confidence in your potential has widened over time. And that the wounds it causes are revived at the slightest failure. As a result, you tend to avoid situations that confront you with risk taking or exposure to others. But this strategy does not protect you from frustration, because often, because, often after the fact, you say to yourself: “I could have done it, I should have tried my luck.” But these observations do not serve as a spur to you to seize opportunities to prove yourself.
How to initiate change: Perhaps you might ask yourself who is serving your self-deprecation? You protect yourself from what jealousies or rivalries? You can also take stock of your successes by noting in detail the skills and talents they have asked of you. Proceed in the same way with your failures or your missed opportunities, so as to become more aware of your self-devaluation mechanisms.
MAJORITY OF D
You know how to rely on your inner resources
You are aware of your abilities, but also of your limits. Your self-esteem is strong enough to make you accept failures and savor successes without the risk of making you “take off” from reality. Perhaps you were well accompanied as a child by parents who encouraged risk-taking, valued successes and helped you learn from your mistakes or your failures. Or, on the contrary, have you managed to work on yourself which has allowed you to know yourself better, and therefore to accept yourself better. In any case, your ability to trust your resources, your feelings and your intuitions allows you to live as close as possible to your values and your desires. You do not feel threatened by difference or the unknown, which makes your relationships with others fluid and rewarding and allows you to seize the opportunities that come your way. You maintain a greedy and curious relationship with everyday life, and this strengthens your confidence in life.
How to stay on the course: by continuing to follow your impulses while questioning your means. If your perception is momentarily cloudy or if a more important failure than the others destabilizes you, do not hesitate to find support from positive people. Confidence also means knowing how to negotiate with failure and bounce back.