Humans are social animals. An analysis of 128 pre-Covid epidemiological studies involving 300,000 patients has shown that two factors are key to our well-being and significantly improve our chances of survival: the frequency of our contact with others and the quality of our interpersonal relationships.
Statistically, we communicate with about five friends a week, fifteen a month, catch up with 50 people in six months, and 150 in a year. Oh really! Me too? Yeah, you too, basically. But friendships are fragile, and staring at each other’s phones on the same couch isn’t going to increase our chances of survival. Here are Robin Dunbar’s five tips for maintaining friendships.
1 – Stay in touch.
Few people have the ambition to lose touch with each other; yet there will be two people we drift apart from every year.
Having had no news from each other for six months, we fall from the group of five to that of fifteen.
2 – Express our gratitude.
We’re much more likely to thank strangers than our loved ones. Let’s not let those we care about become mere details in our landscape. Let’s show them our appreciation and apologize, if necessary.
3 – Prioritize quality.
Sharing the good and the bad times brings us together almost unfailingly. Hence the ability to find each other again, even after long absences. Let’s start seeing each other again to experience special moments together.
4 – Sort.
Time is of the essence, since we devote 40% of our daily interactions to our 5 closest friends and 20% to the other 10 of the 15. That leaves 37 seconds available for the remaining 135. Let’s choose them wisely.
5 – Support our best friend.
Our chances of being happier and quitting smoking, or our risk of becoming depressed or obese, are correlated with similar changes in our best friends. Let’s encourage them and help them flourish, and we will be favorably watered for it.
And finally, we feel an immediate connection when we touch and are touched for 2.5 seconds! This is irrefutable genetic programming.