These exercises will help you overcome your anxieties in a pleasant way: without cold sweats or wobbly knees, and with unexpected results.
Exercise 1: This is what I want
What would you do if you dared to do anything and were guaranteed success? Make a list of the things you would like to do. Then imagine for each point: what would you miss out on if you continued to avoid it? What would you gain from doing it?
Example
What I want
Take driving lessons; give a speech…
If I don’t do it, this is what will happen
Dependent on others; not being heard/being invisible…
If I do it, this is what will happen
Go on a trip;
My opinion matters…
Take a good look at your list and highlight what you most desire.
This experience will be your project. The following exercises will help you gradually achieve it, starting now.
Exercise 2: Examine the obstacles
The biggest learning curve for anxious people is experiencing the reality that their anxious thoughts are completely false. What evidence do you have, for example, that others will find you weird or stupid if you fumble with your words?
Copy your goal from Exercise 1 and write down the worst that could happen if you achieve it. Imagine you’re afraid to resign and start your own business. What obstacles are stopping you? Formulate them concisely and use words like “always,” “never,” “everyone.” Then, analyze the obstacles one by one. Question yourself about them as if you were in a court of law. Are there arguments for and against, and what evidence do you have? By detailing your fears in this way, you can discover whether they are justified.
Example
What I want
To quit
Advantage
More time at home
Obstacle
Less money
True, because
Income decreases
False, because
Fixed costs decrease
Exercise 3: Train your “toughness muscle”
The best way to let yourself be less dominated by your anxieties is to train your “boldness muscle.” This way, it strengthens slowly. At the gym, you don’t start by lifting 100 kilos, but with light weights. It’s the same principle with “featherweight” anxieties. Try doing one simple thing every day for a week, where you have to reach a certain level, and write down how you feel. Important: For this exercise, you must choose things that have nothing to do with your big goal mentioned in the previous exercises.
Example
Day 1: I dyed my hair.
Day 2: I got a spider out of the bedroom.
Day 3: I talked to neighbors I didn’t know.
Day 4: I went paddleboarding on a body of water in my town.
Day 5: I ordered a dish I wasn’t familiar with at a restaurant.
Day 6: I suggested an idea at a meeting.
Day 7: I asked for a discount at a store.
Exercise 4: Build your self-confidence
The path to new skills and experiences is often fraught with obstacles. That’s part of the fun, and it’s not the end of the world. Keep in mind that you’ll learn from your mistakes, and they’re part of the fun. It doesn’t have to be perfect. And there’s one more thing you can do to make those missteps less painful: building your self-esteem. Because you know you’re always a good mother, enjoy long canoe trips, and are the best runner. A person lacking self-confidence blames themselves for failing. A very effective exercise for building your self-confidence is to write down the positive experiences of the day for a while each day. Too often, we focus more on what went wrong.
Write down something worth praising every day. Even the smallest thing is enough: for example, you got up early, exercised, or paid the bills.
Example
Day 1: I ran five kilometers.
Day 2: I did my sums without grumbling.
Day 3: I helped/console someone.
Exercise 5: Take action!
Most people have become accustomed to the short-term benefits of avoidance. When that nerve-wracking public speaking event can suddenly be avoided, or a colleague offers to deliver the speech for us, we feel immensely relieved. And it’s precisely this sense of relief that is detrimental to courage. For we learn that giving up or avoiding is very effective in reducing our fear. At least, in the short term. In the long term, avoidance has two major drawbacks. First, in the future, we continue to fear public speaking because we haven’t allowed ourselves to notice that it might not be as nerve-wracking as we thought.
The second drawback is that by avoiding stressful situations, we’re not practicing, and therefore we’ll never improve. Thus, depending on our perception, the stress threshold can rise higher and higher. Of course, we can wait and wait until one day we’re no longer afraid to give a speech, skydive, or start a conversation. The only way to get rid of our fear is to do what we’re afraid of. This doesn’t exclude anxiety.
Write down your main goal and imagine two small steps forward that you’ll practice, starting from slightly distressing to very distressing. Research has shown that specific, measurable, and realistic steps have the greatest chance of success. You should write them down in your calendar, with a time, place, and duration.
Important: Reward yourself for every step you take! Treat yourself with flowers, a massage, a night on the couch watching a movie. Congratulate yourself for what worked: you went and stayed despite your nerves, you did your best, etc.