We don’t behave the same way at home as we do at work, and we don’t act the same way with friends as we do with family. Is our life a play in which we play several roles?
We feel better when we can be “ourselves.” Pretending to find something fantastic when we don’t think so, or trying to belong to a group in which we don’t feel comfortable, takes a lot of energy.
A common problem among flight attendants, who must constantly appear calm, cheerful, and helpful, even when faced with difficult passengers or when they have personal problems. Some facts clearly show what the consequences of this disconnect can be: the more employees have to suppress their negative feelings The more they display the cheerful face they are supposed to show, the more likely they are to suffer from burnout, anxiety, or psychosomatic disorders.
FOUR SKILLS
Although popular wisdom has recommended being oneself for centuries, scientific evidence of the
benefits of authenticity has only emerged in the last ten years. For a long time, the world of research rejected authenticity, considered an elusive quality. How can one, in fact, objectively determine if a
person is “themselves”? But at the beginning of this century, when, thanks to the influence of positive psychology, studies were conducted on qualities such as gratitude, wisdom, and courage, several groups of researchers took up the question. Various researchers agree that an authentic person knows
who they are and accepts themselves and behaves in accordance with who they are. According to researchers Michael Kernis and Brian Goldman, authenticity is a combination of four aptitudes.
The main one is self-awareness. To be able to be oneself, one must first and foremost know who one is. One must be aware of his strengths and weaknesses, his emotions, his desires, and his thoughts. One must also recognize that different parts of oneself are sometimes in contradiction: for example, when one would like to run away from the idea of giving a speech but still wants to do it.
The second essential skill for being authentic is the ability to take an authentic look at all information about us, without distorting, ignoring, or misrepresenting it. For example, by taking criticism as a consideration rather than reacting defensively, or by confronting doubt or rejection instead of running away from it.
The third skill is behavioral authenticity: taking into account our values, needs, and preferences, and sharing them. This is what we refer to as “being true to ourselves.” But to be capable of this, one must first possess the first two skills.
The final skill is the ability to show ourselves as we truly are in our relationships with others. For example, daring to explain to others what our needs and feelings are, at the risk of seeming different.