I’ve reached a point where I feel I need a therapist. I hesitated for a long time before taking this step, but now I know I want someone who will listen to me, guide me, and help me understand myself better. But how do I know if I’m choosing the right person?
I found inspiration in Daniel Siegel’s concept of Mindsight, which emphasizes awareness of our own mind and relationships. I decided to apply this approach to my process of choosing a therapist. Here are the five lessons that guided me:
1. First impressions matter more than I thought
When I had my first session with a therapist, I immediately felt a vague discomfort. I couldn’t quite pinpoint what was wrong, but something just didn’t fit. I tried to ignore the feeling and give it a chance, but after a few sessions, I realized I didn’t feel safe enough to open up completely.
Mindsight helped me understand that this sensation wasn’t random. My mind was already telling me that this wasn’t the right person for me. So, I decided to trust that instinct and keep looking.
2. The therapist must be present, not just hear what I say
I met a therapist who seemed very competent, but during our conversations, they would occasionally glance at the clock or take notes in a mechanical way. Even though they were talking to me, I didn’t feel they were truly present.
Mindsight taught me to pay attention to these details. A good therapist doesn’t just listen—they make you feel they are there, fully engaged with what you’re saying. Eventually, I found a therapist who looks me in the eye, doesn’t rush, and responds with empathy. The difference is enormous.
3. Titles matter, but flexibility matters more
I was tempted to choose the therapist with the most certifications and years of experience. But then I realized that an impressive résumé doesn’t necessarily mean they are the right fit for me.
One therapist I met offered a rigid approach, insisting I follow a specific type of therapy without adapting to what felt right for me. I realized I needed someone who saw me as a unique individual, not just a standard patient.
4. Genuine empathy makes all the difference
I discovered that I wanted a therapist who didn’t just understand what I was saying but also felt alongside me. When I first met the therapist I ultimately chose, I felt they saw me not just as a case but as a human being. They didn’t judge me, didn’t try to “fix” me—they simply provided space for me to be myself.
Mindsight helped me recognize this subtle difference. A therapist who uses emotional intelligence and genuine empathy can create a safe environment for transformation.
5. Authentic connection is key
Perhaps the most important lesson I learned is that, in the end, everything comes down to connection. The therapeutic relationship must be one of trust, where I feel accepted and supported.
After a few sessions with my current therapist, I had a moment where I felt completely vulnerable. For the first time, I wasn’t afraid to say everything I felt. And that’s when I knew—I had made the right choice.
Conclusion: A conscious choice for the right therapist
Finding the right therapist wasn’t easy, but it was one of the most important decisions I’ve made for myself. Mindsight helped me listen to what I was feeling, observe the dynamics of the relationship, and make a conscious choice about who I allow to accompany me on this journey.
If you’re looking for a therapist, I encourage you to trust your instincts, observe how present they are, choose flexibility over rigidity, and, above all, seek an authentic connection. Because therapy isn’t just about techniques—it’s about the relationship that helps you heal.