Self-discipline is an essential skill for achieving our goals and being able to persevere in a worthwhile task, that’s for sure. What if we loosened our grip a little instead of letting ourselves sink under the weight of obligations?
The self-discipline we impose on ourselves, which consists of being reasonable in all circumstances, does not make us very happy: that seems obvious. We must finish our work, keep the house clean, do sports, call our parents. But how can we free ourselves from the grip exerted by all these sacrosanct obligations?
What if, instead of always striving to do more and do it perfectly, we gave ourselves permission to do just enough—or even, occasionally, to do nothing at all? Living more lightly doesn’t mean giving up our responsibilities, but rather approaching them with more fluidity, choice, and kindness. It means reconnecting with the joy and meaning behind what we do—and letting go of what weighs us down. Here are four gentle exercises to begin cultivating a lighter life:
1. Plan fun times
It may seem counterintuitive, but if you indulge in excess self-discipline, you can use it to learn how to relax. For example, by setting aside a certain time each day to take a break and engage in a pleasant activity. And, every now and then, allow yourself a break: watching movies late into the night, drinking wine, chatting and dancing with friends—whatever takes your fancy. Schedule a moment of pleasure and relaxation into your calendar every day.
2. The to-don’t list
Psychology professor Adam Grant uses a technique he calls the “to-don’t list.” In order to focus on what he truly values, he has identified four activities he has decided to give up: 1. Helping anyone who asks; 2. Surfing the Internet aimlessly; 3. Putting work before family; and 4. Playing Scrabble online. What is your to-don’t list?
3. The experience of emptiness
Try, just once, planning a completely empty weekend. Don’t make any appointments or resolutions. If you have (young) children, you can entrust them to friends or family members. This will help you discover what your heart yearns for when you actually have time. What did you do during your empty weekend?
4. Evaluate your goals
What kind of life would you like your (future or potential) children to have when they reach adulthood? What kind of people would you like them to become? What would their values be? What goals would they achieve? Carefully write your resume, refining it until you are completely satisfied with it. Doing this allows you to take stock of your own life and better identify your priorities. This exercise also allows you to identify what matters most to you and to discover what your own goals are.