A detachment of the exterior world. Me and myself in a world, in which I want to escape from everyday`s tasks. Canvas, paints brushes, the easel, and a multitude of colors: some of them are warm, others cold. I prepare everything comparing to the presentation of a lecture. I put all of them carefully next to me in a chaos only controlled by me.
Me and my idea. An idea which I choose from many others I have on my mind. I start the journey with this idea, but on the way it transforms into something totally different. Sometimes we come close tangentially for other times we are in the same direction like the rail tracks, going parallel one next to the other. Maybe we do not fit with our ideas, we change accordingly to our current mood. We want to escape and thus we do not want to stick to nothing. And if we succeed, this is the scope we actually wanted to achieve.
The color play I searched for is only at the beginning. I wish to mix it up, to put it there beautifully at its place on the white and clean field, which is waiting for my exploration. I concentrate, I situate myself in my world full of colors and I do not want to exit this anymore. It is a world which misses the “something” you have to do and the must. I leave my hand free to express what it wants. I feel lines, which have to be started and lines which are just waiting for this. I have them in my mind, but my hand refuses to follow them as I want to implement them. I watch and discover that this is something totally new compared to what I initially thought of. I surprise myself positively this time. There are also other times I refuse now to remember them. Because I want to load positively. I need this.
I need to continue, because I do not want to stop. I want to believe in a continuity. An inner force helps me to go on. It exists somewhere and it still “burns”. I still wish to maintain this. Because I know that if I stop now, I will not be able to continue anymore. A new start would require a new preparation, a new beginning, a new task for conviction. Me with myself.
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