Finding yourself and with others – Part II
The happiness of being yourself
This does not mean that we must aim for perfection and claim to eradicate our faults, because too often “behind control and self-mastery, lies the myth of total independence and self-sufficiency”, recalls the philosopher Michaela Marzano.
But in the invitation to blossom through the prism of self-knowledge, hides – like a modest plant in appearance, but with many virtues – the deep “happiness of being oneself”, as Moussa Nabati calls it. What does it mean to be yourself? questions the psychoanalyst before responding with a comforting clarity. “To be oneself means to love oneself, to accept oneself, to respect oneself as one is, in one’s body, in one’s age and in one’s sex, while naturally enjoying a separate psyche, differentiated, autonomous, free from confusions of identity, place function as well as parasitic dependencies.”In other words, finding oneself necessarily requires a liberation from the links and habits that prevent us from moving forward. This dynamic process does not owe much to fate, but much to our consciousness and our desire. Moving forward in life means you know how not to reproduce errors in a greater number,” explains Beatrice Milletre. But you also know how to deal with the greatest number of things because you are aware of the differences between you and the others. “You understood it, to find oneself to mean everything except to lock oneself in its bubble or to cultivate a hedonistic narcissism.
Openness to others
The psychoanalyst Alberto Eiguer moreover distinguishes narcissism synonymous with megalomania and egocentrism, from narcissism which has a constructive dimension. “When this is integrated, it not only creates an inner harmony in us, it also results in positive attitudes towards the world.” In other words, the better we live with ourselves, the better we live with others. Honest self-knowledge generally guarantees simpler and more respectful relationships. In his book on personal development, Michel Lacroix reminds us that assertiveness and self-knowledge should not be a goal. According to the philosopher, on the contrary, it is a question of “putting your resources at the service of values, fighting to embody them in the world in a way that will savor a world more honest, truer and more beautiful than in ordinary times.” ideal which involves taking the other into account in terms of their differences and their own resources. What the American researcher Daniel Goleman calls relational intelligence, an intelligence that can only develop from a correct awareness and knowledge of oneself. In the book devoted to this theme, Golement quotes Whitman’s poem which celebrates the happiness of being in true relationship with others. “Something happens in the contact followed with men and women, their spectable, their presence which seduces the soul so strongly / Because the soul takes pleasure in everything, but especially in these elements.” To live in harmony with oneself in order to live better with others, it is all the pleasure that we wish you.